I’m finding myself having a different perspective on abundance recently. I used to think it was abundance of that which we desired: good feelings, that shiny new toy, whatever external item brought us joy or happiness. I’m beginning to realize that I have abundance of life. Not always happy (though not always sad), but rather an abundance of feelings.

I think it’s related to this video. For those who have been following my recent writings, it will be no surprise that it’s a Joe Hudson Art of Accomplishment video. In it, he describes a map of 7 stages in the journey to emotional freedom. Previously, I’ve told myself lots of stories about my emotions. I felt that I needed those stories in order to keep from being with my emotions and feeling them in my body. I relied on my intellect to figure out a way around feeling them.

And now, I’m realizing that I have an abundance of emotion. I no longer need to feel bad, or think that I’m bad, because I feel bad. My old story told me that feeling bad meant that I was wrong. Now, I’m realizing that I’m simply living fully. I’m feeling all the feelings and having all the emotions, letting them come through me. Abundantly.

It’s a freeing feeling, to be able to be my whole self. I cry a lot. I’m not totally sure why, but I think it’s related to the fact that I have a lot of unprocessed grief that I didn’t allow myself to experience. So I’ve come to terms with the fact that I might cry a lot for the foreseeable future, and I’m doing my best not to judge or think badly about myself for doing that. For just being myself.

There’s also a sadness in this. Sadness because I feel alone in the grief, and often, alone in the process of experiencing my grief. Even though I’m with other people, many of whom care deeply about me, they aren’t experiencing my grief, and they need to be true to themselves. And even though that feels like abandonment, it’s not. It’s…de-enmeshment… Is that even a word? Oh well, it is now!

I think that’s what I needed to write up about this for now. Abundance of feeling felt like isolation, and now I have the opportunity to be true to myself and feel the abundance of my feelings.

I hope that you’re able to find something useful in this, and know that all your feelings are valid, all your emotions are valid. I hope you’re able to experience the abundance of yourself.