I’ve been watching a lot of videos from Joe Hudson and Art of Accomplishment<\/a> recently. They have all been really compelling. In this video<\/a>, one of the things he talks about is sharing songs with his daughters. There is one moment when he name drops a song called Marigolds, and how he shared the song and a profound moment with his daughter, who had recently moved out. He didn’t say the artist name, so I just had to look around and see if I could find it. In that search, I found Marigolds by Andrea Bejar<\/a>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n I’m not sure if it’s the song he was talking about, but it spoke to me in the same way he described in his video. I’ve been listening to it on repeat, and there’s one line that keeps getting stuck in my head. She sings:<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you would\u2019ve told me it\u2019d be last time I\u2019d have carried it\u2019s worth.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n I’m not quite sure what to say about that line except that I cry at that line because it helps me feel all the times that I didn’t properly appreciate the “last times” in my life. The last time I talked with my grandpa. The last time I talked with my dad.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Those moments came on fast, and brought big feelings. Huge feelings. I felt unprepared, and wanted the uncomfortable, painful feelings to just go away. Little did I know that bringing love and kindness to those feelings is the way to integrate them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I’ve been fighting feelings like that my whole life. I thought that they were dangerous and that I might die if I felt them. I’ve recently been practicing allowing those feelings into myself, and giving them love and kindness. Sometimes it feels like I’m dying. And that’s ok. In fact, it might even be good because that’s often the feeling of releasing old patterns.<\/p>\n\n\n\n One of the things that makes releasing the old patterns so hard is that those patterns helped me survive when I was younger. I’m not sure that I would have died if I had felt those feelings when I was younger, but the fact that I’m not sure if I would have died means that I’m letting go of something that I think might have saved my life. And that’s terrifying!<\/p>\n\n\n\n What’s crazy is that it seems like the more I allow myself to feel like I’m dying, the more I have room to live. It’s a very strange proposition. I want to be clear – I don’t go looking for the terror and feelings of dying. They just come. I have recently been able to just allow them in rather than trying to fix myself by thinking my way out of them, which was my previous strategy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I’m not sure I have a good closing for this ponderance. I did forget to mention that I do tapping\/EFT when the feelings are just too overwhelming, and it helps me stay present in my current reality while still feeling the depth of the feelings.<\/p>\n\n\n\n So I guess I’ll close this with a hope that those who read this find might something beneficial in it. I hope that you’re able to find the balance in life. I hope that the terror helps you, and the joy helps you. One thing that I sometimes forget when I’m in these moments is that they don’t last forever – neither the joy nor the terror.<\/p>\n\n\n\n What’s strange is that thinking like that kind of flips the script. It’s good that the terror doesn’t last forever, and sad that the joy doesn’t. Hm, that seems like a good way to end this.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Remember, you can find happiness in sadness, and vice versa. And that’s what it feels like to be human. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Inspiration from Marigolds I’ve been watching a lot of videos from Joe Hudson and Art of Accomplishment recently. They have all been really compelling. In this video, one of the things he talks about is sharing songs with his daughters. There is one moment when he name drops a song called Marigolds, and how he […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[7,10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-479","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-contemplation","category-emotional-survival-skills"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/engineeringharmony.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/479","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/engineeringharmony.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/engineeringharmony.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/engineeringharmony.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/engineeringharmony.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=479"}],"version-history":[{"count":7,"href":"https:\/\/engineeringharmony.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/479\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":490,"href":"https:\/\/engineeringharmony.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/479\/revisions\/490"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/engineeringharmony.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=479"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/engineeringharmony.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=479"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/engineeringharmony.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=479"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}\n
Fighting my feelings<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
Staying present<\/h2>\n\n\n\n